


Risking Our Hearts

by Genie60



Series: Poldark Series 2- Dribs and Drabs [13]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Marriage, Pregnancy, Ross is an idiot sometimes, Season 2 filler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 19:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9507953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: S2 Ep 3 filler. A Conversation between Ross and Demelza on the way home from Trenwith





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just another whim wondering what might have happened and been said. Pure imagination and fluff.
> 
> Thanks as always to Winston and Debbie for the Poldark world.

Ross held tight to Demelza as they walked the path from Trenwith to Nampara.  The events of the previous day and night had taken a toll on his wife, and Ross was feeling guilty for being party to that stress. They had come back to his family home at the behest of Elizabeth to join in the harvest celebration. It was an attempt to make amends and repair the rift between the two sides of the Poldark clan; a goal that was accomplished as Ross and Francis had come to an understanding and a truce. Ross was glad about that. What he was not glad or proud of was his behavior later that evening where, under the influence of one too many glasses of port and brandy, he made overtures to his cousin’s wife that some would deem inappropriate. All while his wife, who as he found out later was carrying his child, lay up in their bed most likely wondering where he was.

The thought that he put Demelza second to his old love made him heartsick. When he entered their room last night, he had hoped that she would have been asleep since Elizabeth had told him she retired early; he didn’t want to face her, with the look of a man guilty for thinking of another woman.  He could kick himself now for not going to her sooner.  Instead he stayed and spoke with Elizabeth in dulcet tones filled with subliminal meanings. What was he trying to do? What did he hope to accomplish?  At one point he was tempted to taste the lips of the brunette from his past and if it were not for her reminding him that his wife was in the house, waiting for him, he might have.  And then what?  As he walked upstairs moments later he realized that what he was trying to do was recapture the innocence of his youth before there was the daily struggle to make ends meet; before he carried the responsibilities of family and village; to a time when he was free.  And alone.  Something hit him when he saw his weary yet beautiful wife sitting up in bed waiting for him.  That past life was also before he met her.  Before he was engulfed by her spirit and heart; before he knew what true love was; before Julia. 

And now there would be another child.  One that he didn’t want to want because he was afraid which a foreign emotion to him in most instances.   He never knew he had such a capacity for love until he laid eyes on his daughter minutes after she was born.  Nor did he know that he could feel for a woman what he felt for his wife.  When she confessed her condition to him last night it was only after he had upset her with his talk of looking at other women and not wanting to bring a child into the world due to circumstances.  Demelza had hid the news from him because she felt his apprehension all these weeks and was fearful of his reaction.  What did that say about him as a husband?  He silently reprimanded himself for being less than a pillar of understanding and intuitiveness. 

After holding Demelza as she cried tears of relief at his acceptance of their coming offspring, he slid into bed with her, keeping her close to his chest, their linked hands on her belly. The only sign of a child was the almost imperceptible swelling where her body was usually flat. They spent the night holding each other, the tears of relief that they both cried abating and the love for their coming child growing.

Now as they continued on the short journey home, he felt Demelza’s grip on his bicep and the rub of her fingers against the cloth of his jacket.  He turned to look at her and saw that she seemed paler than usual and drawn. Missing was the look of joy that normally graced her countenance, even when faced with the struggles of everyday life.

“Are you sure you are well, my love?” he said.  His voice was full of as much love and concern he could relay to her.

“Quite well, Ross.  Just anxious to get home,” Demelza replied.

She gave him a small smile of reassurance instead of the other way around. Again she was imparting her strength on him.  He hadn’t realized how much he depended on her for this as well as her common sense.  Ross admitted last night for the first time that he was afraid of welcoming another child into their lives and hearts for fear of losing them again.  However, she was the one who would carry, tend and nurture the child first hand. Wouldn’t the loss be harder on her?  Yet, she was willing to risk all that to know and share the love she had with another daughter or son.  He was a coward.  But not so much of a coward as to refrain from enjoying his wife’s body and love.  Surely he knew the only certain way to avoid additional children was to abstain from relations with his wife.  Both Ross and Demelza felt too much for each other for that to be practical.  While other parts of their marriage seemed full of strife and hardships, what happened in their bedroom and bed was quite the opposite.  There they came together completely, leaving everything else outside.  In the days and weeks following Julia’s death they had often sought comfort from each other under the cover of night. Their need to feel life and love overshadowed any thought that their actions might result in another child.  And so here they were.

“Demelza?”

“Yes, Ross?”

“I want to apologize again for being so distracted that I never even noticed the changes in you.” Ross was attempting to sound concerned but for some reason his wife took affront to it.

“Changes? What changes?  Judas! Can you see that I’m with child already?  Lord at this rate I’ll be bigger than I was with Julia,” she cried.  Her hand automatically went to her midsection trying to see if her body betrayed her so soon.  Ross was taken aback by her outburst and fought the urge to laugh at her. 

“No my love, there is nothing to let anyone know of your condition.  I merely meant that I should have been more aware that there was something on your mind.  All those times you wanted to talk to me, it was to tell me this, wasn’t it?” 

Ross had stopped in the path and turned Demelza towards him, holding her gently as he tilted her head up so he could see her eyes. Looking into those blue-green orbs he saw they shimmered with moisture. As he had done so often during the past year, he reached a thumb up and brushed at them even though there were no tears falling.  It was habit as if he were trying to erase the hurt that the tears represented.

“Demelza?  That’s the truth isn’t it?” Ross said gently, wanting to coax the answer out of her.

Demelza looked down, seeing her worn dress but not caring as she did yesterday. Today her only thought was the child she was carrying and she caressed herself in that thought.  Presently, Ross’ hand joined his wife’s as he placed a kiss on her head.  Feeling his touch, she pulled back a bit to look at him.

“Yes, Ross.  I wanted to tell you as soon as we were home from the trial but you said…..” She halted and started at him, seeing that he remembered what he said that night.  “You had so many other things to think of that I didn’t want to add to it. But I knew I couldn’t keep it secret much longer. Especially since Elizabeth already knew.”

Ross’s eyes widened at this fact. Why would Elizabeth know this before him?

“What?  How does Elizabeth know?”  He asked, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

Demelza blushed at the memory of how the person she feared the most came to know her secret.

“I was feeling ill at the trial and Elizabeth was outside and I just said it. I was so afraid that you would not come home I suppose I needed to let someone know and she just happened to be there.”

Ross saw the pain in her face at the admission and he couldn’t be upset. He had put her through so much already and the fear that he would not be acquitted was just one more thing for her to handle.

“My love, I’m so sorry. Not just for putting you through that trial but more importantly for what I said. I do remember what I said that night about not wishing for a child. And you already expecting.”

“True.  But honestly Ross, I have to wonder something.”  Ross watched her now as she spoke, her eyes changing from melancholy to something else he couldn’t define.

“Yes?”

Now that she was feeling a little more lighthearted over their impending child, Demelza thought she could tease her husband about the whole situation.

“That night after the trial, you told me that I shouldn’t wish for a child and yet you and I…” she didn’t finish that sentence but looked at him with a knowing smirk and raised eyebrow.  “And we’ve done nothing to prevent it happening since.”

Ross blushed at the realization of what she was saying and smiled.

“Demelza you are my weakness.  I know that logically putting you in that kind of precarious situation is selfish and unthinking. And we, I, should be able to control ourselves.”

“We should.”

“I’m sorry my love, I….”

“But I don’t want to.  Loving and babies are part of life and marriage Ross.  They are what prove that we are breathing and living and being.  My having your child is a no more dangerous than say, going down a mine, chasing a vein of copper.  We can’t live in fear of something we don’t know.”

Now it was his turn to feel tears in his eyes.  How did he come to deserve such a wife?  He leaned down to give her a soft kiss on the lips which she instantly responded to.  Ross pulled away and looked around to see if anyone had spied them being openly affectionate with each other. He hadn’t kissed Demelza in the open since the night of the pilchards when he first realized he was happy and that she was the reason.  She saw his face and raised a hand to his cheek brushing it gently let her thumb graze his lips.

“Besides, I’m not turning you out of our bed just so you can satisfy your needs with someone like Margaret in Truro.”  As soon as she said the words she regretted them because they both knew that Francis was known to do just that.

“Oh Ross, I’m didn’t mean to…” Demelza said.  Ross saw that she was upset at the mention of his cousin’s indiscretions but couldn’t blame her for thinking that. It was no secret that the Poldark men were known to wander when needs arose.

“That, my dear Demelza is one thing you do not have to worry about,” Ross said. He took her arm and started to walk again.  “Until such time as we are unable to walk or talk, you will find me next to you in our bed and forever in my heart.”

Demelza couldn’t help but give a little giggle at this.

“Are you sure Ross?  I somehow got the feeling that Margaret would be glad to accommodate you if needed if I become displeasing to look at.” 

She was teasing, turning the mood back to one they enjoyed before Julia, and trials and everything that followed.  For the moment they were once again the newlyweds walking home after the shoals came in.

“Very true my dear. But I can assure you that once was enough.”  Ross said firmly and gave Demelza a look that said this part of the discussion should end.  She noted the tone and dropped the conversation, linking her arm through his securely. 

They had reached their property and entered the yard, Garrick coming out to greet them. 

“I wonder how Jud is,” Ross said.  He continued to walk, shooing Garrick from nipping at his heels. “You never did tell me what happened last night.”

Demelza gave him a side glance and was tempted to tell him not only about Jud being resurrected but of what she overheard between him and Elizabeth, and then thought the better of it.  They were finally back on the same page, hope renewed with the news of their coming child and she was secure in the fact that Ross loved her as she loved him.

“”Tis a might complicated and I do not really know all of what happened.  I’m sure Prudie will be glad to tell you her tale of woe.” 

“I’m sure.” 

They were about to enter the kitchen when Demelza stopped and turned Ross to her.

“Ross?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t want anyone else to know about my condition just yet.  At least for a while.  I’ll not be able to hide it for much longer but for now, can it just be between us?  I think we need to become used to the idea of another child first before letting others know.  That way if anyone doubts if this is right or questions if we’ve lost our senses, we can tell them to go rot.”  The urchin Demelza reappeared for the moment, channeling the street fighter he brought home.

Ross took his hand and cupped the side of her face, his fingers tangling in her wild red hair.

“Why love?  Are you ashamed of being with child?”  He knew this was not so, as Demelza reveled in her impending motherhood when she was carrying Julia but he was perplexed as to why she wanted this to be a secret. 

“Ross you know that I’m so proud to carry you child, our child. “Tis just what I said.  We’ve had so much bad lately I would like to enjoy just a bit of good with you.”  Ross smiled at his wife, her insight into their feelings and marriage clear. 

“Alright my love, as you wish,” he said, giving her one more kiss to seal it.

“I wish,” Demelza said softly. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to all who are reading, commenting and supporting me. It's been a blessing.


End file.
